As strange as this may sound, every weekday morning I wake at 6:00 am, have a cup of coffee, say my prayers, and put on a bathing suit. At 7:30 I am at the swimming pool.

A promise brings me to the pool each morning. After my husband died, my son mentioned that his dad’s main concern was that I’d become a hermit.

It is a comfortable place to come. There’s a rhythm to entering, saying hello to the greeter, and checking in with my well-worn tag on my key chain. Then I join the class that is filled with familiar faces, and we laugh and share our daily lives with each other in a loose but committed community.

The other day something happened that bothered me.

The parking lot is one of those typical seas of blacktop divided in the middle by a narrow sidewalk. Parking is straightforward. The standard operating procedure is to drive into the parking lot and if there are no empty spaces on one side then, follow the arrows, park on the other side facing the first side of cars. The cars are parked nose to nose

This particular morning, I had just pulled into my spot when in the space right beside my door a truck startled me as it roared into and then through the parking space and kept on going.

At first, I thought it was out of control. The truck sped through the space, jumped the small sidewalk curb, and parked on the opposite side with its nose pointed out for a quick takeoff.

Just as I was ready to jump out and see if the driver was all right, he casually got out of the truck, grabbed his stuff, and went on into the Y.

He didn’t even glance my way.

It took me a moment to collect myself as I processed what had just happened.  I was stunned. Then I was angry because I was startled. Then I felt frustrated with myself for letting my day start with irritation over something so seemingly petty. Yet on some level his actions were unsettling.

Maybe my reaction was strong because, to be honest, driving over that slight sidewalk has crossed my mind. If the space opposite mine was empty, it would be extremely easy to just ease on over that little curb and keep going instead of backing up to drive all the way around.

This sounds so picky. What am I concerned about? I wasn’t harmed and for now neither was the curb.

But what if I hadn’t stopped to unplug my phone and simply opened the door when I parked? What if the driver in his rush hadn’t seen a person on that sidewalk?

The biggest question though is what happens if we all break the sometimes inconvenient but tacitly agreed upon rules that shape our lives?

Some are embedded in our laws. Drive on the correct side of the road to dramatically reduce the chance of a head-on collision. Others are more subtle. Cover your mouth when you cough.

There’s an underlying fear that our world is falling apart. Reporters make a good living reinforcing that idea. The media often has us searching for something or someone outside of ourselves for the problem. It presents an unwritten message that if we could only find the source of the problem our lives would fall back into place and the world will be restored.

• Where is our own place in this scenario?
• In what way do we contribute?
• Do we add to the chaos, or do we choose to hold in in check?
• Do we park in the correct parking space, or do we jump the curb?

We do have a say in all of this.

We are in a symbiotic relationship of change as we and our institutions dance to accommodate whatever challenge comes next. The systems that worked in the past for us are evolving. But I have to admit I sometimes miss the comfort of a reliable world.

It is important to remember, though, that as overwhelming as life may be, we are not without power.  I have a choice in how I react and my contribution to the solution is small but consistent.

I feel safe when I follow the unspoken rules that bind us all together. I drive on the correct side of the road. I yield to pedestrians at crosswalks, and I allow space for a bike rider.

I do it not just because it is socially correct but because I have respect for those who might be affected by my poor choice. I feel better because these small decisions stack up one by one and reflect who I am as a person.

These little acts may appear to be no big deal, but each time we decide on order over disorder something else is happening too. We are expressing love.

In the late 1990s, I attended a meeting at a small retreat center in the remote, piney Mississippi woods. It lasted two or three days and I must admit that I don’t remember the topic of the meeting. What does stand out for me is the spirit of the presenter.

The leader shared with us that one of his real pleasures, especially when he’s leading a retreat, is take time for a long, hot shower before he begins his day. It sets his mood and helps him gather his thoughts before he steps in front of an audience.

That morning, however, just as he settled in under that spray of hot water, he realized something. The retreat center was small. What if his long shower took all the hot water and there was none for anyone else?

With that thought he quickly finished his shower so there would be enough for anyone who might enjoy a hot shower too.

He wasn’t telling the story to draw attention to himself but to show how the expression of love comes in many ways.

Love has many voices. Sometimes it comes as romance or through family or deep friendships. That strong feeling that resonates in the heart expresses itself as many facets of love.

The love the retreat leader expressed that day was what the Greeks called agape or universal love. The kind of love encompasses all things, not just individuals.

It’s the kind of love that comes without condition because it simply exists. That’s the kind of love that comes through empathy for another especially when you’ve ‘walked a mile in their shoes.’

It’s also called God’s love.

We’re all in the same boat as the changes swirl around us and we hold on for the ride. Our power lies in how we choose to react.

I admit it. I’ve been tempted to jump the curb too. But by following the rules, spoken and unspoken, I entered into an agreement with society. That implicit agreement is that I, by following accepted ways of doing things, am making a covenant between me and those around me. I’m saying that what I do can affect others just as their actions can affect me.

That is not to say that the rules of society are flawless. Many have suffered because of misinterpretation of the rules or, even worse, selected application. These rules, however, have shown over time that order in society makes things a little bit nicer. If we know the expectations and follow through with our actions, then daily living is just a bit better.

For the man in the truck, this is no big deal. His tires are big and strong. He’s not worried about it. He probably didn’t even give it another thought.  The concrete path is narrow. But how does that truck weight affect that slip of concrete over time?

Even more significantly, what if there had been a person who believed they were safe on that little slab of concrete? What if in his rush he hadn’t seen that person until it was too late?

It startled me and frightened me too. Unexpectedly, the rhythm of my morning changed.

We’ve all grown up with a pretty good idea of what is or isn’t acceptable within our culture. In a way, that’s the minimum expectation of behavior. But each of us has the capacity to do and be more. That is a standard we set for ourselves.

In a healthcare setting, a nurse works within the standards of care set by their healthcare community. That includes those set out by the licensure board and as well as the facility for which they work.

After watching nurses in action for decades, I feel comfortable saying that there is another standard of care that nurses set that goes beyond just ‘following the rules.’

There is a line of care that they will consistently provide. If they are unable to do that, moral distress, or even moral injury, results because the inability to provide it is an assault on their personal core values.

It is the same for each of us. Personal core values create our North Star, a point of reference as we navigate through life.

These values provide the personal standard of behavior that that reflects our core beliefs about ourselves and our place in society. They sit nestled within society expectations, but it’s a personal choice that affects how I feel about myself.

As I sit in the parking space I am faced with a choice. I can take the high road and follow the parking lot’s accepted standard of behavior or not. Or I can jump the curb because it’s expedient with no thought of broken bodies or broken curbs.

Each day we are faced with big and little decisions. “Do you want cream in that coffee?” “Am I going to slip through the intersection on the yellow caution light or will I sit through that terribly long red light?”

Some are significant. Most are not.

If we consistently make decisions based on our better nature, we are all better off as we choose a good path or vibe for our lives.